Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
