Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
