Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
