I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
