everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
