Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
