if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
