You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
