dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
