there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
