Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
