Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
