I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
