get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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