And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
