if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
