..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
