Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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