While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
