Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
