the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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