Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
