my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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