I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
