just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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