I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
