So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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