I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
