We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
