I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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