You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have aggressive nipples.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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