Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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