Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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