i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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