You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
