What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
