just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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