just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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