i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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