Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
