I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
