This is not my ceiling
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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