That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
