the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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