Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
