why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
