Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
