Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
