i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
