When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
