he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
