so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
